Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize