Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
