I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
