I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
