really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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