So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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