ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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