I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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