just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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