I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
