I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
