Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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