did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
