People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
