the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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