Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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