I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
