Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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