I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
