it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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