I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't notice because vodka
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
