a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
