You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
