Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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