i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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