YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
