He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
