Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
