are you still at the devil's house?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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