So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
