My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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