I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
