I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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