After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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