I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
soo... how was my night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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