I feel great
I just peed on a car
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
