Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Every concussion has its silver lining
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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