i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
