dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just google imaged poop.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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