Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
