I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
