dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
