My sheets look like a crime scene.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
