You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
