So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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