I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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