Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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