so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
