I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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