Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
