the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
