Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
