Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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