dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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