So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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