Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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