Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
