and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
