i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
