Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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