chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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