just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize