tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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