I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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