This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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