Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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