Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i think my cat just said my name.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
